So I am writing this issue at the end of January feeling the melancholy of damp, rain and snow; the disappointing afterglow of the ecstasies of Christmas and the other Winter Solstice celebrations. Very much January is the poor relation of December’s richness.
January is Bleak;
January is Drudgery and Disappointment;
January is the Unfulfilled promises of December.
I think this is why we all look forward to the dizzyingly ecstatic heights of February. Much like stolen kisses and illicit embraces in dark corridors, February offers us one last chance at happiness snatched away from the chill embrace of winter emptiness.
Perhaps I am being too hard on winter, perhaps I am longing for the promise of Spring’s rampaging innocence; perhaps I too am in need of the heady nectar of Romance.
Whatever the reason, I found the need for this issue of The Olive Branch to be about Love. By this I don’t mean just romantic love, rather I am talking about all types of love; even the love that hurts so much we think we will never make it through.
How many times have you felt hurt and misunderstood? How many times have you felt it is better to leave things unsaid and unheard because that is so much easier? How many times have you had to swallow your pride, back down and apologize, even when you are apologizing for something and a situation that isn’t you fault? Sure, all of these could be construed as compromise, but from an objective standpoint these are all about sacrifice.
But should love be about sacrifice? Should love be about allowing scar tissue to grow around your heart muscle, stifling the very organ that allows us to feel and emote and relate to other on a much more intuitive and subtle level than the constrictive rules of language and grammar. Love on any human level that serves our highest good must first and foremost be for our highest good. To sacrifice a piece our heart for the sake of someone else is to crystalize and leave cold the very part of us that makes us Us.
How often do you look in the mirror and criticized your appearance? How many times have you gazed critically and though “If only I could change…” How often have you indulged in regret, lost hopes and dreams; the fantasies of “What if” The key lesson in all of this is learning to love yourself.
Remember, being human is very much looking at these lost hopes and dreams and reflecting on the lessons learned. Planet Earth and humanity is the School of Hard Knocks. Each and every minute spent here is where we prove to our Higher Selves who we are and what we have learnt from our life histories. Sure, you may hate those extra pounds or that errant hair or that new wrinkle; but are these not also badges of honour? Are these not the scars earned by learning how to love in the trenches? Are these not indications that hopefully, somewhere, some way we are becoming wiser? Remember, the wisest man is the man who acknowledges his ignorance; that which he knows little about.
Those extra pounds around the waistline, are those there because we have been carrying a burden? Those same pounds, can those now be shifted because that burden has also been resolved?
Loving oneself is very much a case of looking deep in to the mirror and learning to love every aspect of oneself. This is hard. I won’t lie to you, there is much I have yet to love about myself. But like the wise man, I am ready to acknowledge those bits I don’t yet love, let alone like or tolerate! But if we are to be loved by others, we must, must, must learn to love the unique and oh so loveable individuals we are.
How many times in your life have you hated some part or aspect of yourself? Even jokingly? This again hardens and crystalizes part of your heart’s ability to love.
If you don’t love you, who will love you?
If you don’t love you, are you capable of love?
Really challenging stuff I know, but if we tease apart these arguments, ultimately we come to the response of “I don’t know”. This believe it or not, is the first stage of our learning journey to self-love and self-acceptance. All of those qualities that we aspire to engender in our partners, our siblings, our friends and children are those same qualities we must aspire to apply to ourselves.
Remembering my days as a Catholic schoolboy, I remember Sister Barb reciting St. Paul,
‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.’ (1 Corinthians 4:8)
Should the same not be said of how we view and treat ourselves? Often these same verses are recited at weddings; the ceremony of joining two people together for (hopefully) forever. But for this to happen, should we not love, honour and respect ourselves?
I don’t mean to get overly heavy here, but ultimately, when the chips are down, who really, truly has your back? The answer is you. So please, love yourself.
Once we have some of this mastered, we are prepared to love others.
To sacrifice or have limitations put on ourselves for the sake of loving someone else or being loved by someone else, is to actually limit our human capacity to love.
Is this fair? Is this Ethical? Is this honouring our Highest Good?
If you look at any lovesong written over the last fifty years the sentiments are roughly the same; Katy Perry sang,
‘In another life
I would be your girl
We’d keep all our promises
Be us against the world’
This is the bit about love being honest and the bit about honouring and respecting ourselves and our beloveds.
The Cure in ‘Lovesong’ sang,
However far away
I will always love you
Whatever words I say
I will always love you
I will always love you
Wow! Imagine saying that you as an affirmation every day. Imagine feeling those sentiments about yourself each and every minute of your life. These words encapsulate the stuff that makes us human. These words encapsulate what we should all aspire to feel about ourselves; that no matter what, we actively love and are capable of loving not only others, but ourselves.
I guess in summation, whatever sentiments we may have about this February 14th, maybe, just maybe, there could be a snatched moment this entire month, when we can look deep into the mirror and say…
I Love You.